Returning to the scene of the (sex) crime -

Returning to the scene of the (sex) crime

Relationships cultivate a sense of comfort and regularity that can fuel the momentum of staying together. Sometimes, couples realize that there is not that spark necessary for a longer term connection. They may have been avoiding breaking up because there aren’t any real problems, but there is no real love either. These relationships still feel a level of grief when it is time to separate, but have a great potential for a strong platonic bond afterwards. Sometimes this can even lead to a continuance of a sexual connection after the relationship has ended. Deciding on whether this is healthy is a matter for each individual in their own unique situation.

When people are not in a hurry to find their next potential soulmate, continued sex with an ex can be a fun and energetic routine. The two of you may have already built up a sexual communication between your bodies and this can have a pleasantness and warmth that stimulates your combined sexual energy. The physical attraction is still present and sex for the sake of sex can feel liberating and playful if there is no emotional baggagae or mind games. For some couples, the sex was the only thing keeping them together so being able to continual a sexual relationship after breaking up is ideal.

If you are seeking a new partner, it is dangerous to continue sex with the ex.


There are countless analogies to describe why this doesn’t work. A spacecraft vacuum seal is a good metaphor. It is necessary to seal the door shut behind you while in an antechamber, before you can open up the door in front of you to a differently pressurised environment. The same is true for relationship partners. It is best to resolve and complete one relationship – even a sexual agreement – before starting to date new people. No one likes to find out down the track that you were still jumping into bed with an ex while you were starting dating them.

If there is some lingering emotional residue between you and your ex, a continued sexual relationship is also a bad idea.

Some people have an emotional maturity, sense of mutual respect, and enjoyment of sex that makes sex with an ex a fun way to feed one’s sexual appetite. Only you will know what is best for your sexual life and emotional protection when having sex with your ex.

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