Round two – Second date tips
Congratulations! You made it through your first date. The heavy palm sweats, the hours in front of the mirror changing outfits, and the worried self-talk trying to plan for every possible scenario is over. Good news! You don’t have to repeat these same anxieties again for date number two. Bad news! There are a whole new set of worries to vex your mind and raise your heart rate.
Second dates are quite a different experience to a first date. First dates are almost like an audition, where you are spending a short time together to feel whether there is anything worth pursuing. You may have opened up a little about yourself, but probably not too much. The time together may have been fairly short in case their wasn’t an attraction. And the date location may have been in a public area like a café or bar.
By comparison, a second date requires offering up a little more of yourself. This can be a vulnerable position to be in. You may be inclined to start thinking about your relationship history and it is not unusual for second dates to talk about some of their past loves and romantic foibles. You may have stuck to showing some of the better sides of your personality on the first date. A second date carries the expectation of being able to share up a little of your downfalls and shortcomings as well. It is not necessarily to dive straight into all of the pitfalls of your personality, but being able to remind your dating partner that you are a human with natural flaws like anyone else is an important part of the getting-to-know-you process.
A second date can be longer than the first date, but it is best to avoid weekend nights. It may be nicer to spend a Sunday afternoon together, or do a spell of shopping on Saturday morning. These can be great date times and allow you to get out together as a couple in the open air. This can create a feeling of lightness and freedom which avoids the heaviness of having to be on show together. Nights offer a limited number of activities for second dates. Going to the films is a boring and silent thing to do and doesn’t give you the chance to learn more about your date. Going to a bar or nightclub can be fun but the sound is often so loud that it it is difficult to hold a conversation. Other venues may be frequented by your friends and social circle making it feel less like a date between the two of you alone.
Daqtes on a weekend during the day have a world of potential. You can chat aimlessly as you wander around, or can choose to do an activity together like a bushwalk or play a game of tennis together. Going to a sporting event can be a bit different to the silence of a film, but if one of the dating couplen is an avid fan, there may be long silences all the same.
Some first date advice still holds true for second dates, especially the willingness to be open, and the need to be attentive and a good listener. The timing and location of a date play a greater improtance the second time around.